I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
