Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
