just survived the first fart of the relationship.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
