If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
