I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
organizing the empties. That sober.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
