I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
