I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
