Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
