I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
