T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
