i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
