There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
