5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
