john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
