The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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