Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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