Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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