i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
