So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
