I accidentally had phone sex last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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