don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
