sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
