i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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