fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
