"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
