So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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