Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
