whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
