i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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