I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
