Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
