I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
