I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
