What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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