I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
