Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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