I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
