your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
