Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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