I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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