Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Girls should come with a carfax report
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
