Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
