My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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