"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
