Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
