They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
