your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
