There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Shame - the story of my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
