Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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