Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
