I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
