omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
