he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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